Yes, I know it’s not real news—but have you seen what happens when you rub toothpaste on your car?
Yes, I know it’s not real news—but have you seen what happens when you rub toothpaste on your car?
By Someone Who Should Really Know Better
I have a problem. A big one. It’s not drugs or gambling or anything people usually get addicted to. No, my personal kryptonite is far worse: clickbait. You know what I’m talking about—those irresistibly flashy headlines that promise to reveal “one weird trick” or claim that “doctors hate this guy.” You’ve probably scrolled past a hundred of them today already. But here’s the thing: I don’t scroll past. I click. Every time.
I know what you’re thinking. “How can you fall for that stuff? It’s obviously not real news.” Trust me, I know it’s not real news. I’ve been burned enough times to recognize the signs. The moment I see the words “you won’t believe,” I already know I’m about to waste at least five minutes of my life scrolling through an article filled with stock photos and vague, half-baked information that never delivers on the promise of the headline. And yet, I click anyway.
It’s not that I’m dumb. I get it. I’m fully aware that no, rubbing toothpaste on my car won’t magically remove all the scratches. I know that the “one weird food” that’s supposedly going to melt belly fat is probably just a vegetable I already hate. But the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there’s something I don’t know keeps pulling me in like a moth to a flame.
The worst part is, I’m not even looking for life-changing information. I’m not trying to get rich quick or find out if my zodiac sign is compatible with a celebrity I’ve never met. I just want the satisfaction of knowing. What is that one trick doctors hate? Is it something scandalous? Revolutionary? Do they hate it because it actually works, or because it’s ridiculous? I need answers!
Of course, after clicking, I’m always met with disappointment. The article takes forever to load, only to lead me through an endless maze of ads and page breaks. Before I know it, I’ve spent 10 minutes scrolling past images of shiny teeth or someone looking confused at a salad, and I still don’t know the trick. By the end, the “big reveal” is always something incredibly mundane like, “Eat more fiber.” Fiber. That’s it. Not the groundbreaking discovery I was hoping for.
Do I feel shame? Absolutely. But does that stop me from clicking on another one five minutes later? Nope.
The truth is, clickbait is like junk food for the brain. I know it’s bad for me. I know it’s a waste of time. But in the moment, it feels so satisfying to give in to that little nugget of curiosity. I’m just chasing that dopamine rush that comes with the potential of discovering something exciting, even though I know full well it’s probably going to be a letdown.
I’ve tried to stop. I’ve made resolutions to “just ignore them” and focus on real news, or articles that might actually educate me on important issues. But then I see something like, “The Top 10 Reasons You’re Wasting Money Without Even Knowing It,” and suddenly I’m down the rabbit hole again, wondering if my habit of not reusing ziplock bags is going to bankrupt me.
It doesn’t help that clickbait is everywhere. Social media, news sites, even random blogs I visit—there’s always some headline daring me to see what I’m missing. And when I see those enticing, over-the-top promises, my rational brain takes a backseat while the impulsive part of me hits “click” faster than I can say, “I know better than this.”
Part of me thinks that clickbait is just a natural evolution of the internet. After all, we live in a world where everyone’s vying for attention, and clickbait headlines are like the pop-up ads of our generation. They’re flashy, annoying, and impossible to resist if you’re curious enough. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? In a sea of information overload, these absurd headlines are designed to stand out and grab you by the brain, promising something so extraordinary that you have to know more.
The reality, of course, is that they rarely deliver. I’ve probably read more “secrets to success” articles than I can count, and here I am, still not a millionaire. And yet, I keep clicking, knowing full well I’ll just end up skimming through half-baked advice that could’ve been summed up in one sentence: “Try harder.”
At this point, I’ve accepted that I may never be able to break free of my clickbait addiction. But maybe that’s okay. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll always be that person who’s just curious enough to wonder, “What does happen if you put a lemon in your shoes overnight?” (Spoiler: nothing. Nothing happens.)
So, if you’re like me and you can’t resist the siren song of clickbait, know that you’re not alone. Sure, we’re probably wasting valuable hours of our lives, but at least we’re entertained, right? And maybe, just maybe, one of these days I’ll click on something that actually surprises me. Until then, I’ll keep chasing that clickbait dragon—no matter how many “revolutionary tricks” it takes.
And yes, I did click on “5 Reasons You’re Still Tired All the Time, According to Experts.” Still no answers.
