“It’s not an addiction, I just have notifications,” says man who clearly hasn’t put his phone down in two hours.
“It’s not an addiction, I just have notifications,” says man who clearly hasn’t put his phone down in two hours.
In what has become a modern rite of passage, local man Greg Thompson proudly announced his intention to take a much-needed break from social media yesterday—just before immediately checking his phone for the 27th time that hour. The declaration came via a thoughtful Instagram story, which included an artistic shot of a sunset and the caption: “Taking a break from all this chaos. Time to live life, not through screens. See you all on the other side.”
Thompson’s break from social media, which experts estimate lasted roughly four minutes, ended abruptly when his phone buzzed with a notification from Twitter alerting him to a trending topic he absolutely couldn’t ignore. “I wasn’t planning to check it,” Thompson explained, while scrolling through his feed. “But you know how it is—once you see a notification, you can’t just leave it hanging. It’s not an addiction. I’m just being thorough.”
Thompson’s “social media cleanse” follows a growing trend of people attempting to unplug from the constant barrage of notifications, only to find themselves right back where they started after a brief stint of serenity. “We see this all the time,” said Dr. Amanda Hayes, a digital detox expert. “People post dramatic goodbyes, delete apps, maybe even go outside for a walk. But the minute a notification pops up or someone posts a cute dog video, they’re sucked back in. It’s like a black hole of memes, political arguments, and food pics.”
Greg’s friends and family weren’t exactly surprised by his rapid return to the digital world. “He’s done this at least five times this year,” said his roommate, Melissa. “Every time, he promises he’s going to ‘reconnect with real life,’ and then we catch him scrolling Instagram while pretending to meditate.”
When asked why his break didn’t stick, Greg offered a variety of explanations, none of which involved admitting that he might actually be addicted to his phone. “Look, I just needed to check that one thing, and then I noticed some messages I hadn’t responded to,” he said defensively. “Plus, I got an important email from work. It’s not like I’m just mindlessly scrolling.”
Despite these justifications, friends and coworkers reported that Greg had, in fact, spent the majority of his “offline” day checking Twitter threads, liking posts on Instagram, and refreshing his email inbox obsessively, just in case. “He even tweeted about how great his social media break was going,” noted Melissa. “I don’t think he sees the irony.”
Digital addiction experts have long warned that our reliance on social media has reached unprecedented levels. “We’ve created a culture where people feel the need to announce their every move, including their decision to take a break from announcing their every move,” said Dr. Hayes. “It’s a vicious cycle. They say they’re going to step away, but they can’t help checking back in to see how many people liked their ‘I’m stepping away’ post.”
Greg’s story isn’t unique. Studies show that over 60% of people who declare a social media detox relapse within the first 24 hours, usually under the pretense of “just checking one thing.” The average detox lasts no longer than a week, with many returning to their screens even more obsessed than before.
Despite the setback, Greg remains optimistic about his ability to eventually succeed in taking a real break from social media. “Next time will be different,” he insisted. “I just need to make sure I tie up a few loose ends first. And maybe set some boundaries. Like, no checking my phone during meals… unless it’s important.”
In the meantime, Greg has updated his Instagram story to reflect his renewed online presence, assuring followers that he’s “back, but with a more mindful approach.” He was last seen liking photos of artisanal sandwiches and scrolling through Facebook, where he left several comments on articles he didn’t actually read.
As for his next attempt at a break, Greg says it’s coming—just as soon as he checks that last notification.
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