Well, here’s a thought experiment: what about the truly awful 1980s movies that should never, ever be remade? Not because they’re sacred cinematic gems, but because doing so might prompt someone to revisit the original, and honestly, the world doesn’t need that.
These 80s disasters hold a special place in our hearts—not because they’re good, but because they’re so hilariously bad that remaking them would ruin their baffling charm. But for fun, we’ll also throw in a few ideas for how remaking them might—might—make them better.
So without further ado, here’s our list of the top 10 bad 80s movies that should remain in the VHS graveyard where they belong.
This Marvel misfire involved a cigar-smoking, womanizing duck from space who somehow winds up in Cleveland. Howard’s terrifyingly awkward puppet head, combined with an absurd plot involving alien overlords, made this one an instant disaster. Why it shouldn’t be remade: A modern CGI Howard might be too realistic, thus sparking mass panic. Plus, we’ve already suffered enough post-traumatic flashbacks of the inexplicably sexual tension between Howard and Lea Thompson.
How to make it better: If Howard were a hyper-realistic, existentially depressed mallard doing duck stuff—like walking through puddles or fighting for bread at the park—this could become a deep metaphor for modern society. Or it could just stay a weird fever dream.
A poor man’s E.T., Mac and Me was essentially a 90-minute commercial for McDonald’s, with a flimsy plot about an alien hiding out with a wheelchair-bound boy. It’s remembered more for its comically bad puppetry and an insane cliffside wheelchair fall scene than anything resembling a coherent movie. Why it shouldn’t be remade: No one needs to watch Ronald McDonald make a cameo ever again.
How to make it better: You can’t. Unless the entire movie is about how Mac and the McDonald’s gang start a wellness retreat where they preach the horrors of fast food. Actually, that might be a hit on Netflix.
This movie took a gross-out trading card series and somehow made it even worse. With creepy, rubbery costumes and a plot involving these revolting misfits trying to fit into human society, this movie didn’t just scrape the bottom of the barrel—it drilled right through it. Why it shouldn’t be remade: The Garbage Pail Kids might be too much for modern audiences, and nobody wants to see CGI pimples explode in 4K.
How to make it better: Maybe rebrand it as a heartwarming story about acceptance and body positivity? Or just lock it in the vault forever.
The concept is simple: a gymnast is recruited by the U.S. government to compete in a deadly martial arts competition, using his gymnastic abilities to fight. Why it shouldn’t be remade: Because the only thing funnier than a gymnast-kickboxing hybrid is watching him use a conveniently placed pommel horse in a village square to beat up an entire mob. Any remake would likely feature way too much parkour, which could ruin the accidental hilarity.
How to make it better: Lean into the absurdity. Let it be the Step Up of action movies, where every fight is preceded by an unnecessary floor routine.
Superman goes up against a solar-powered villain called Nuclear Man. The special effects in this movie are so laughably bad they make the 1950s Superman TV show look like Avatar. Why it shouldn’t be remade: Christopher Reeve deserves better, and we’ve already had enough tragic Superman reboots. Plus, we don’t need to watch a cape-wearing mutant hurl cardboard-looking “nuclear bombs” into the sun ever again.
How to make it better: A dark, gritty version of Nuclear Man who’s just a guy addicted to tanning beds could be… interesting. But then again, maybe just let this one rest in peace.
Dolph Lundgren’s He-Man battled Skeletor in what could only be described as a live-action cartoon gone horribly wrong. The plot somehow involved He-Man traveling to Earth (why?) and Skeletor trying to take over the universe using a glowing cosmic key. Why it shouldn’t be remade: Modern CGI would be too much for Skeletor’s bony face, and let’s be real, no one can pull off that kind of muscular blonde wig like Dolph Lundgren.
How to make it better: How about He-Man as a fish-out-of-water comedy? He-Man becomes a suburban dad who has to hide his sword and try to work a regular office job. That’s the reboot we deserve.
The fourth installment in the Jaws series has a shark hunting down the family of the original film’s characters—out of pure revenge. It’s unclear how the shark knows who to target, but somehow, this toothy villain has a thirst for vendettas. Why it shouldn’t be remade: A vengeful shark stalking a family is too ridiculous even for today’s Sharknado-hardened audiences.
How to make it better: Maybe have the shark not roar like a lion underwater. Just that one change would improve the film dramatically.
Sylvester Stallone stars as a truck-driving dad who enters an arm-wrestling competition to win back his son. And that’s not even the weirdest part. Why it shouldn’t be remade: We’ve come a long way in parenting standards since the 80s, and using arm-wrestling as a substitute for family therapy just won’t fly anymore.
How to make it better: If Over the Top were remade as an eSports tournament, with Stallone playing Mario Kart to win his son’s love, this could be a masterpiece. But really, it’s best left untouched.
Eddie Murphy stars as the owner of a lunar nightclub in this box office bomb. The jokes didn’t land, the special effects were dreadful, and the plot was nonsensical. Why it shouldn’t be remade: There’s no market for lunar nightclubs in the 2020s. Sorry, Pluto Nash.
How to make it better: Maybe if the nightclub was a metaphor for cryptocurrency and the whole movie was about the rise and fall of Bitcoin on the moon, it could be a black comedy. But let’s be honest, that’s a stretch.
This legendary flop features Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman as two terrible musicians who get caught up in Middle Eastern espionage. It was supposed to be a comedy, but it’s mostly remembered for its bloated budget and lack of laughs. Why it shouldn’t be remade: The film’s misguided attempts at humor would only be worse in a modern political climate. Plus, no one needs a remake of a movie that basically invented “so bad it’s bad.”
How to make it better: Maybe don’t make it? But if you must, reimagine it as a meta-comedy about two aging actors trying to remake a 1980s flop, complete with disastrous results.
While some 80s movies beg for a modern upgrade, these cinematic disasters are best left to languish in the annals of VHS history. Remaking them might only make things worse—or, worse yet, prompt people to actually revisit the originals. Let’s keep them where they belong: in our guilty-pleasure memories.
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