In the quiet suburbs of Iowa, an alien family from the distant planet Glorbtar finds themselves in a heated debate over who to support in the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election.
In the quiet suburbs of Iowa, an alien family from the distant planet Glorbtar finds themselves in a heated debate over who to support in the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election.
By: Astro “Diaper Crisis” Reporter
In the quiet suburban streets of Des Moines, Iowa, a fierce political debate is tearing apart an otherwise peaceful household. No, it’s not just your average Earth family arguing about healthcare or tax cuts—this is an alien household, and their family values, extraterrestrial grocery bills, and political opinions are literally out of this world.
The Zogbar-Q family, hailing from the distant planet Glorbtar, has assimilated into Earth culture surprisingly well. They’ve managed to understand Earth’s quirks—like the baffling concept of “waiting in line” and the human obsession with paper currency—but the one thing they still can’t agree on? Who to vote for in the 2024 U.S. Presidential Election.
What started as a calm discussion over dinner (a delightful blend of spaghetti and space algae) has turned into a full-scale intergalactic spat. The family is divided right down the middle, with each member fiercely supporting their candidate of choice.
Zorbla, the family matriarch, a towering figure with seven eyes and a fondness for sensible Earth shoes, is Team Harris all the way. Her reasons? Like any suburban mom, she’s worried about rising costs, particularly for diapers and formula. Turns out, whether you’re from Glorbtar or Earth, diaper expenses are universal.
“Honestly, the price of human baby formula is absurd,” Zorbla lamented, shaking one of her many heads in dismay. “Back on Glorbtar, our children hatch fully formed and can hunt their own food by the time they’re three weeks old. But here? These Earth babies are so… needy! We can’t even find Glorbtarian diapers anywhere, and the human ones? Too expensive. Kamala understands mothers. She’s focused on lowering these outrageous costs. If she can’t do that, then who can?”
But her husband, Thrax, a broad-shouldered alien who resembles an overgrown jellybean with wings, isn’t convinced. His loyalty lies with none other than Donald Trump.
“Zorbla, please,” Thrax said, waving one of his ten limbs in exasperation. “Trump is a businessman. He knows how to get the economy moving! Sure, diapers are expensive now, but once Trump implements his universal business plan for ‘alien integration,’ prices will plummet. Plus, he’s the only one who’s talking about space expansion and giving us aliens some respect. We should be his top priority!”
Zorbla rolled all seven of her eyes and muttered something in Glorbtarian that we’re pretty sure wasn’t polite.
Even the Zogbar-Q children have opinions. Their teenage daughter, Glorpina, who is trying her best to fit in at Earth high school by mimicking human TikTok dances with all six of her arms, is staunchly anti-Trump.
“Trump is soooo cringe, Mom. Seriously. All he does is talk about walls—space walls, Earth walls, whatever. And I’m over it,” Glorpina said, rolling her giant green eyes. “Also, I don’t see him talking about student loan forgiveness, and my space credits from Glorbtar University aren’t transferring here, so I’m stuck paying Earth tuition. Kamala would totally support me and my education. Plus, she’s, like, way cooler on Instagram.”
Meanwhile, their youngest son, Zorg, a mischievous little alien who hovers about two feet off the ground, has taken a different approach. Zorg doesn’t seem to care about economic policy or space relations—he’s a kid, after all. What does he care about? One thing: ice cream.
“I’m voting for whoever gives me the most ice cream,” Zorg declared, hovering by the fridge. “Kamala likes ice cream, but Trump owns a lot of stuff. Maybe he’ll build me an ice cream factory on the moon. I’ll vote for both if they promise me that.”
Despite their differences, one thing is clear—the price of diapers is an issue across the galaxy. Zorbla’s frustration is understandable. Back on Glorbtar, their species never had to deal with diaper shortages or the mysterious disappearance of “Size 4” from shelves. Here on Earth, though, things are much more complicated.
“Human diapers are so wasteful,” Zorbla said. “Why do they need to be so soft and absorbent? Glorbtarian diapers were made from recycled stardust and lasted for years. Now, I’m buying a pack every week! Kamala understands how difficult it is for parents like me.”
Thrax, ever the pragmatist, scoffed at her concerns: “We didn’t come to Earth for your ‘sustainable diapers,’ Zorbla. We came for a better life! Trump’s economic plan will fix this by investing in alien industries. By 2025, we could be running a Glorbtarian diaper factory on Earth. Think of the profits!”
With the election looming, the Zogbar-Q household is more divided than ever. Dinner conversations have become heated, with Thrax and Zorbla barely able to agree on which planet has better takeout, let alone which candidate deserves their intergalactic vote.
“Trump is all about walls,” Zorbla hissed one evening, shaking her head(s). “What happens when he decides we’re the next ones who need a wall? You think he’s going to welcome aliens like us with open arms?”
Thrax wasn’t having it. “Zorbla, he’s already welcomed aliens—look at me! I’m here, aren’t I? He’s pro-business, pro-expansion! And don’t forget, he promised to make Pluto a state. That’s huge for the intergalactic economy!”
In the end, despite their bickering, this alien family represents a universal truth: no matter where you’re from—Earth, Glorbtar, or beyond—politics can always spark a lively debate at the dinner table.
As Zorbla wisely summed it up: “At the end of the day, Thrax, we may not agree on Trump or Kamala, but we can agree on one thing—Earth babies are way too expensive.”
With just a few weeks left until Election Day, the Zogbar-Qs remain undecided. One thing’s for sure, though: whether it’s diapers, formula, or space policies, this family is committed to making their voices heard… even if those voices sound like a chorus of high-pitched beeps and occasional roars.
Stay tuned for more updates as the election draws near—because whether you’re voting from Earth or a distant galaxy, one thing is clear: diapers are the real enemy.
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