Lawmakers agree to stop reading bills before voting, citing “no one reads them anyway.”
Lawmakers agree to stop reading bills before voting, citing “no one reads them anyway.”
In a stunning display of bipartisan unity, Congress has passed the “Just Wing It” bill, a groundbreaking piece of legislation that fundamentally changes the way America’s laws are made. Under the new law, lawmakers will no longer be required to read—or even skim—the bills they vote on, instead opting for a more “intuitive” approach to governance.
The bill, which passed with overwhelming support from both parties, was hailed as a monumental victory for efficiency, time management, and, most importantly, freeing lawmakers from the burden of having to understand complex legal language. “Let’s be honest, no one’s been reading these things for years,” said Senator Bill Harmon, one of the bill’s co-sponsors. “We just nod, vote, and hope it’s not something too crazy. Why pretend anymore?”
The “Just Wing It” bill is the first of its kind, introducing what lawmakers are calling “vibe-based legislation.” Rather than spending hours poring over long, jargon-filled documents, elected officials will now vote based on a general sense of whether the bill “feels right.” Committees are encouraged to follow their instincts and gut feelings rather than getting bogged down in, what some are calling, “nitpicky details.”
“When you’re trying to pass 500-page bills, the last thing you want to do is actually read them,” said Representative Susan Greenfield, another strong advocate for the bill. “Most of us went into politics for the power lunches and ribbon cuttings, not for hours of reading legal mumbo-jumbo. With this new system, we’ll just trust our instincts—and if we’re wrong, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Public response to the bill has been a mix of apathy and mild curiosity. “I mean, it’s not like they were reading anything before, so this doesn’t really change much,” said Carl Jenkins, a high school history teacher from Ohio. “At least now they’re admitting they’re winging it. I kind of respect the honesty.”
Others, however, have expressed concern over what this could mean for the future of legislation. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with my representatives just voting based on a hunch,” said Sarah Walters, a small business owner. “But then again, considering some of the laws we’ve gotten in the past, maybe a hunch is better than whatever process they were using before.”
Political analysts agree that the “Just Wing It” approach could streamline the legislative process, reducing the time it takes to pass a bill from months to mere hours. “Look, in the age of Twitter and 10-second sound bites, no one has the attention span for this stuff anymore,” said Dr. Karen Mills, a political science professor at Georgetown University. “Honestly, they’re just catching up to the rest of us. Who has time to read? Certainly not Congress.”
Some lawmakers are celebrating the new system, seeing it as a way to focus on what really matters—lobbyist dinners, press conferences, and photo ops. “This is a game-changer,” said Senator Mark Duncan, who admitted he hadn’t read a bill in its entirety since 2014. “I’m free now. Free to vote on legislation the way it was always meant to be: based on my gut and what I vaguely remember hearing on cable news.”
But not everyone is thrilled. A small group of traditionalists in Congress has voiced their opposition to the bill, arguing that lawmakers should, at the very least, skim the summaries of the bills they’re passing. “Call me old-fashioned, but I think there’s value in knowing what you’re voting for,” said Senator Rachel Parker, one of the few holdouts. “It’s just basic democracy—though I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been wrong about that.”
Parker’s comments were met with eye rolls from her colleagues, with one anonymous representative remarking, “She’s probably still reading the instructions for her microwave.”
Despite the overwhelming support in Congress, some critics are worried about the long-term consequences of the “Just Wing It” bill. “This could lead to an avalanche of unintended laws being passed,” warned legal analyst Tom Driscoll. “What if they accidentally legalize something crazy, like iguanas driving cars or mandatory karaoke Fridays? Anything is possible when no one’s paying attention.”
But proponents of the bill dismiss these concerns as fearmongering. “People said the same thing about letting self-driving cars on the road,” said Representative Harmon. “And look, now we’ve got cars that can drive better than most humans. So why not a government that runs on instinct? It’s basically the same thing.”
As the dust settles, many are left wondering what the future holds for American governance. Will this new vibe-based system usher in an era of quicker, more responsive legislation? Or will it plunge the nation into a chaotic frenzy of poorly thought-out laws and hastily passed bills?
Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the “Just Wing It” bill has fundamentally changed the game. And for better or worse, Congress has officially declared that reading is optional.
In the words of Senator Duncan, “If it feels good, vote for it. That’s democracy—2024 style.”
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